Guess I Went Dark for a While

So, where exactly did October go? Seems to have flown by while I wasn't looking! Then again, I must confess I have buried myself under the proverbial covers for a while now. When I am hurting, I don't reach out, talk or write. I retreat. But I don't want to dwell on that...Instead, a brief rundown of the month that was:

• Christopher joined the Boy Scouts. His school was visited by a local troop in late September. New member night was held 3 October, so we went. He liked it enough to stick with it. Now all we have to do is work with him to organize his priorities so that he can fit this in his schedule. His first outing was to a haunted house with his troop mates. Family night was held on the 24th, where he received his patrol patch and scout coin. His first weekend camping trip is coming up mid November.

• I was sought out by a recruiter in my industry, had several very interesting phone interviews. In the end, it came to naught, but it was a very positive experience. Still no word from Houston, so safe to say that lead is dead in the water.

• I joined a gym as an actual paying member. The facility is near Chris' scout meeting place, so I drop him off and then go sweat. It's a great thing! I love that this place is not just a meat market, full of uber fit men and women hooking up, but all shapes and sizes. These folks are serious about their workout. Plenty of equipment, no lines, no time limits. Weekend yoga classes. What's not to love. I think Brian wants to join as well, once he has a car available to him.

• I went on a one day there and back trip to Detroit to do a presentation that will hopefully not only help us retain the current business, but garner more. It was a publisher with some 50 titles, at least two thirds of which could go digital. We already handle 5 of their titles--more than any of our competitors, except their own in house solution.

• Brian is continuing to feel better about walking. Nearly fits a 38 waist pants!! Very exciting. He is also scouting out a new car, as fall has finally decided to come and stay a while in the Northeast.

• We celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. We both took the day off from work, and then went out to a wonderful dinner, just the two of us. Chris spent the night with a friend, so we were able to have a leisurely evening.

• Ryan's relationship with Citerra seems to be getting serious. She's brought her kids over to our house. Ryan is awesome with them. My husband was completely enamored of her daughter, Ellie. She's 3 and just as cute as a button. Christopher, not knowing WHAT to make of 2 tiny kids running around, retreated to his room to read.

• First trimester progress reports came home. Chris is doing OK...needs some help with prioritizing a much heavier workload. The good news is that his math grades are much better this year. We are getting in gear for high school. Good God!

• Brian is enjoying his work with the school much more this year, as he is no longer on the executive board of the parent/teacher organization. In fact, our anniversary fell on the same night as the school's Halloween Bash, and we could just leave! Imagine that :)

I am sure my dark cloud will lift. It will just take some work. So many unresolved issues lingering from summertime. Can't believe all this time has gone by without visiting, really visiting with some of the women I was closest with. I didn't think these things happened to seemingly together adults...thought it was a thing of the adolescent past. Guess I should have known better, because I really didn't think I'd make the best friends of my life so deep into my 30s. Thought that was the province of one's adolescence and twenties. You live, you learn, yes?

r.

I Wonder...

• What is it about human beings that makes them incessantly try to rank things? It seems we are nearly incapable of contemplating ideas without trying to assign some empirical or moral value to them. It is what nearly all forms bias is built upon. My things/ideas/morals are better than yours, and I'm gonna stand here and scream about WHY they are better than yours. People will find and cite references obvious and obscure. Or worse yet, simply repeat that which strikes a chord within them without any analysis. Really? Who has time for that crap? And why? Why do people not understand, with several millennia of recorded history under our collective belt, that to do so is as harmful for the judge as the judged?

• Why is it that other people perceive decisions made by one person as a judgment on their decisions? What one person decides is right for themself and their circumstances has absolutely no bearing on anyone else. Or is this all part of the ranking scheme mentioned above? Is the 'decider' doing trying to see how many chits they can pile up in their corner until they are satisfied that their pile is bigger than someone else's? Or is the person feeling judged taking stock of their pile of chits and feeling as if someone else doesn't measure up, or like they don't measure up themselves? Why is that?

• Why is it that we all talk about wanting the same things, yet most individuals do nothing to ensure those same things become universal truths? Or, even worse, stand by and do nothing to stop others from violating what we all say we want? Idealism is a wonderful thing, but ideals cannot be achieved simply by wishing them so. Those who stand for uglier causes are far more active than those who espouse more noble ideas. But wait....is that a judgment that can be rationalized?

• Why is it that while we can tell a complete stranger where to go and how EXACTLY to get there, we have serious difficulty confronting an emotional issue with someone very close to us? Flipping the bird easier than picking up the phone...now that's just wrong. And the flip side of the same issue...we are so polite to a stranger on the street, but take for granted our own kin and kith. Bump into someone on the sidewalk, and automatically we say, "Excuse me." But saying a heartfelt, "I'm sorry" to someone we've offended is far less reflexive.

I wish I could actually offer answers to these wonderings. If you can, I'm all eyes....

r.

The Weekend That Was

Well, this family did everything it could to send September out in style! There was beautiful weather, baseball, a deposit into the karmic bank account, drankin', meeting, and a faire. HAH!

Friday afternoon I left the office early to take my son to out to Shea Stadium. It was the Mets' final home stand of the year against the Marlins. Well, I believe most know how THAT worked out. Dammit! I mean really, WTF?!?!?! Seems that an investigation is in order for the monumental collapse that we witnessed. I'm thinking they HAD to have thrown the season.

Saturday morning was gorgeous. We were up very early to get all the chores done. We were expecting a visit from a lady who was raised in the apartment where we now reside. She lives in Maryland, and hadn't been back to this neighborhood in over 40 years. Who can blame her? She lost both of her parents within a couple of years of each other when she lived here. Accompanying her up 4 flights of stairs, and back 40 years time was her sister-in-law, a cousin and an old friend of her parents. We set up coffee and pastry, and gave her free rein of the house. For about an hour, they reminisced, teared up and took pictures. It was really interesting to hear what the neighborhood was like back in the early to mid sixties.

As these women were coming in, Chris was leaving for a birthday party for his buddy, at whose house he wound up spending the night. A distant relative of my husband's, Ryan, lives in our spare bedroom. He had a woman spend the night with him. As long as everything is discrete, I don't mind. He is 25, as is his lover. I got to spend time with her Saturday afternoon while my son was doing his thing and my husband was at work. Nice girl. Damn, 25 is young! Ryan came home around 7 or so, Brian came home around 9 bringing with him an old friend. There was lots of wine and laughs.

Sunday morning was absolutely beautiful. Bright sunshine, clear blue sky, light breeze. I got up early and hung over. I really don't understand why I felt the need to be out of bed at 8am! That said, after Brian went to work, Chris, Citarra and I got our acts together enough to leave the house by 11:30 or so to go to the New York Renaissance Faire held every year at Fort Tryon Park. A forty minute ride on the A train to 190th Street, and you'd never know you were in Manhattan. There are high cliffs overlooking the Hudson with a view of the palisades on the New Jersey side, wooded paths and grassy clearings. The Cloisters, a castle-like branch of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, is up there as well. Perfect location for a Medieval Festival. There were jugglers, jousters, an actual blacksmith, falconers, dueling, the whole nine yards. We had a great time.

I topped it off with a homemade lasagna for supper. Trying to top that next weekend is a tall order, but at least We'll have 3 days to give it a shot!

Update on the Houston situation: NONE. I wonder how much information one can legally glean about a prospective employee without their having given actual consent. I sent a note by email outlining questions and plans last Thursday, resent it today, and have heard butkus. Nada. Zip, Zero, Zilch. Oh well. Onward.

r.